Sad Bastard Music

So I've been really conflicted about the most recent My Bloody Valentine album, mbv.  For those of you that don't know My Bloody Valentine I'll give you this very brief overview.
Basically My Bloody Valentine is an amazing shoegaze (coolest genre name or lamest? start the debate) band that released an album that has gradually over the years become an inclusion of every top albums of all time list.  The list of bands that have listed it as an influence are endless (oddly enough I can only think of one band right now).  The album was called Loveless and it took forever to make and everyone was ready to hear the follow up.  Well the follow up took like 17 years to make and was constantly rumored to be coming out but then wouldn't.  There were rumors about it's sound and how long it was,blah blah.  It's the Chinese Democracy for it's genre.
Got it?  Okay.   Let's move along.
So finally the new My Bloody Valentine album comes out and everyone loves it.  10 years ago I would have bought the day it came out.  I think I waited a few days but I eventually downloaded it and got excited to hear.  Not balls to the wall excited but like, hey, this will be fun to listen to on my commute to work tomorrow.  So yeah, I listened to it and it sounded like My Bloody Valentine and the obvious follow up to Loveless.  I think I've listened to it like twice since then.  That was like 8 months ago.
So why the hell didn't I like it?
Here's all I can come up with as an answer.  My Bloody Valentine does not make music that I would describe as uplifting.  I used to love sad songs.  Depressing gut wrenching songs.  Or mellow songs that just sound depressing.  When you're young life is pretty easy.  Odds are you're still living off your parents in some way and the only thing you're worried about is why some girl/dude isn't returning your phone calls or you have no messages on your answering machine (I don't think anyone young reads this but if so, replace phone calls with text messages and answering machine with facebook or twitter or snapchat, snapshot, whatever the hell you do now to send pictures of your johnson to each other).  Life was easy so we had to latch on to something we thought was sad and blow it waaay out of proportion and then wallow in the misery of whatever we felt was the end of the world, which was most likely one of the things listed above (unanswered phone calls, texts, penis shots).  I think being depressed made us feel like we were more mysterious or gave us more depth.  Listening to some slow sad melody really helped make you feel even more miserable.  Or maybe I was just a really needy bastard.
Then you start getting older and shit starts getting real.  Like you don't need a song to make you depressed.  Once you're in the real world and no longer relying on your parents teat anymore to bail your ass out there's plenty of shit to make you depressed.  Like how you spent 6 years in college only to be working a job where you routinely unclog a urinal filled with piss.  This glamourous job doesn't pay dick so you have to buy a giant pizza at Dominicks for $5 and live off of it for the next 4 days.  Oh and that girl still hasn't responded to that picture of your dick you sent her 3 days ago (just trying to relate here).
Or there are wars. Taxes.  Getting older and realizing the window of opportunity for you to become a professional wrestler has passed.  Getting checked for things on a regular basis that might kill you that involve another man sticking his finger in parts of your body you don't touch yourself.  I routinely spend some minute or two of my day pissed off at something at work (maybe it's something I'm working on, or a person, or maybe I'm just pissed someone didn't refill the coffee. )  So forgive me if when I listen to music I don't want to hear Kevin Shields make some fucking guitar feedback for 6 minutes.  I'm in a bad mood I want to listen something I can tap my fucking foot to.
Now, I'm not saying my life sucks.  Far from it in fact.  I have a great life.  I've got a smokin hot wife who's cool as shit.  I've got a giant fluffy dog that sounds like an actual person when he burps (which is often) and a cat that literally shoved me out of the way when I went to pick up a piece of pizza I dropped.  I have a roof over my head and get to eat delicious food and travel to cool places on a pretty regular basis.  I've got a job that doesn't involve me cleaning up bodily fluids.  I'm happy and love life.  But there's a lot of everyday shit out there that tries to derail that happiness so I don't need a song to bum me out.
I don't know if this is making any sense but it's the only thing I can come up with to explain why music I loved 18 years ago doesn't have the same impact or why the hell I went to a Kid Rock concert 2 years ago.
But now I'm thinking about this.  I've developed a love for slow sad country songs over the years.  Why do I like those?  They're even more depressing.
I've totally blown my whole theory to shit.
Son of a bitch.

There's a Riot Goin On

So lets just tackle the 800 pound gorilla in the room and point out I totally failed at posting album reviews all summer along about new bands and albums.  Thanks for pointing out my failures guys but I really think that it's not me being lazy as much as current music being pretty weak right now. 
Moving along, since I'm no longer on the cutting edge of whats been deemed cool by Pitchfork and I'd rather take a job as Anthony Weiner's PR manager (still pissed I didn't think of the nickname Carlos Danger first) than see Mumford and Sons, I was clueless about the bands dominating most music festivals this summer. 
Except one.
Riot Fest.
Riot Fest is for people that still like music that makes you want to pump your fist and maybe shotgun the occasional beer on a Sunday afternoon. Basically there are a ton of punk bands, rock bands and Public Enemy.  Oh, did I mention the Replacements are playing as well?  Talk about a bitchslap to the Pitchfork headliners. Essentially Riot Fest is for teenagers and people 32 and up that are stuck in a perpetual state of arrested development when it comes to music.    
Thank you Riot Fest for creating a festival made up of bands I know and have wanted to see and some new ones I've actually  heard of and have been meaning to check out. Also thank you for selling some beer that isn't a summer double hops extra pale ale or some shit like that.  No human can consume that consistently for a 3 day festival. If you can you may very well be a sociopath.
Oh, they also have a wrestling ring.
So lets recap.
Rock bands? Check
Mumford and Sons? Nope
Cheap beer? Check
Wrestling? Check
Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me.  Here are my must sees this weekend:
The Replacements
The Lawrence Arms
Screeching Weasel
Guided by Voices
Rancid
Danzig
The Broadways
Rocket from the Crypt
Off with their Heads
The Lillingtons
Masked Intruder
Against Me!
There are many more I want to see but I'll be impressed if I pull off seeing all of the above before falling asleep under a tree/bench/lean to. Rock on everyone.

3 Reviews, 1 Coetime

Way to go C.O.E., this renaissance for you blog ended after a handful of posts.  Hey, it was a holiday weekend and I've been busy. Back off.  Actually, it's not because I'm busy that I haven't written anything, it's because nothing I've listened to has really inspired me to write something clever.
However, I promised reviews so I'm going to write something quick.  Might not be funny.  Might be full of grammatical and factual errors.  With luck, I'll have avoided using words that I was unaware are actually quite offensive.  It's kind of like Fox News.
Oh and by new, I should say these came out sometime since January so "new" is up for interpretation...
So first up is the new Wavves album "Afraid of Heights".  It's good and I like it.  The song "Afraid of Heights" and "Demon to Lean on" are the best tracks in my opinion.  I've never listened to this band before for no other reason than I kept forgetting to check them out when I was looking for new music.  Sounds like these guys are a lot younger than me, wear backpacks with things written on them in black marker, and listened to a ton of Nirvana demos.  Nothing wrong with that.  I did that too...20 years ago.  But for real, the album is cool.  Those two tracks stand out and are actually really, really, good.  The rest of the album hasn't quite grabbed me but that doesn't mean it won't.  Check it out if you can.
Also check out Phosphorescent "Muchacho".  It's really good too.  It's got that folksy sound but instead of folk music inspired by hippies it sounds inspired by metalheads or something.  Like it sounds like you might want to smoke angel dust at an outdoor festival and lay in the grass and listen (authors note: I've never smoke angel dust so maybe I'm way off here but I'm writing fast and thats how it came out).  The second track is so good it's hard to move onto the next song.  I keep wanting to hear it again.
Third, ummm, okay I guess I haven't tried that hard.  I could throw in the newest Alkaline Trio album that came out a few months back.  Those guys can't catch a break.  They get shit talk from both fans and people that hate them.  And the people that hate them probably have at least 3 of their records. Their a band that made an awesome first album (might be in my top 20 of all time) and now must forever live in it's shadow.  For those not familiar, their first album "Goddammit" is  a straight up punk album about being young, drunk and not talking to the girl you've been wanting to, and being depressed by both.  Well, these guys are now closer to 40 than 18 so if they still sang about that they'd be A.) alcoholics B.) kind of pathetic or C.) the Lawrence Arms (no disrespect, I love the Lawrence Arms and can't wait for the new album).  Anyway, the last 2 albums have been them trying to get their old sound.  On the new one "My Shame is True" they do a pretty solid job.  If you like the Alkaline Trio go buy it.  If you don't, buy it because you'll probably like it anyway but never want to admit it.
Thats it for now people.  Keep it real and have a good Thursday.

Vampire Weekend: Modern Vampires of the City

This week we're going to tackle the new Vampire Weekend album Modern Vampires of the City. Of course by tackle I mean praise but mock ruthlessly at the same time.
Shall we?
Okay so first thing is first. This is the most misleading title and album cover ever. Ever.  If you're going to name your album Modern Vampires of the City and have some creepy black and white and foggy picture of the city, the album should sound like the main songwriter picked up a nasty absinthe habit in the last year and has been carrying a tattered copy of Junky by Burroughs in his back pocket. Granted I've never read the book and the only time I tried absinthe I was so drunk it may have actually been peppermint schnapps but this album sounds like he had parents that played a lot of world music and Graceland by Paul Simon.
I do like this album though. It's way better than that last thing they put out. The one where the first song was about horchata. Thats the most unrock song you could write.  Songs like that make me dislike New York.
They do a couple of pretty stupid things on this one though. The main one being the song where he does this spoken word thing where he talks about falafel. Yes, I'm totally serious. Okay, listen up Vampire Weekend. There is a strict rule about doing a spoken word bit in a song. It must be an excerpt from either the Satanic Bible or a passage from the Bible that talks about the devil and/or the end of the world.  Also the voice must sound like it's Satan or Johnny Cash.  I'm not sure how to describe the voice on the Vampire Weekend song though.  Douche bag?  Basically he sounds like the kind of guy that would recommend a vegan restaurant when you're going to a city known for a meat product. Let me explain:
Me: I'm going to Milwaukee this weekend. Know where I should eat?
Vampire Weekend: Yeah! There's this vegan cafe you gotta check out.
Me: *blinks* (slaps Vampire Weekend in the face, drives to Milwaukee, eats bratwurst after a tour at the Miller Brewery. Stops at the Brat Stop in Kenosha on the way back home).
Get what I'm sayin'?
BUT...the album is good.  In fact, friends of mine that made fun of me for liking the first album now talk about how amazing this one is (I'm not going to say this is irony because usually whenever I say something is ironic I'm using the word incorrectly and I'm sure this is probably the case here).  People will say it's more "mature" and it is.  They've evolved as musicians and songwriters and the overall production makes it a more elaborate album.  The second album failed because it was boring (and had songs about Mexican dairy drinks) but this album is not boring.  Yes, it's irritating but thats because I judge them based on a stereotype that most would say is unfounded (but it's not really) about the city these knuckleheads come from. I still like the album.  I just shake my head at some of the lyrics.  Also in all fairness,  I say the album sounds nothing like the title or cover suggests; the last 2 songs actually do sound what I would have thought the whole album sounds like.  Also there is a track that sounds like a Smashing Pumpkins bside from the Mellon Collie or Adore days.  So I guess thats a third song that lives up to the album title.
Anyway, I like this album.  I like Vampire Weekend (I even played a game of pool with them once.  Well, I played the drummer and the bass player...okay I sat next to the pool table they were playing at...I think I told them I liked their album).  And I actually like New York.  Chicago is better of course but New York is a solid little town.
Vampire Weekend is from New York right?  If not, I need to fire my fact checker.

The Palma Violets 180: Having an Organ Player Doesn't Mean You Sound Like the Doors. This is a Good Thing.

So we’re going to kick off this review series I've promised you all with something we all love and that is a band from the U.K.

I had read a review of this new band the Palma Violets and their debut album 180 (this is where some smartass will point out the fact they’re not new and the album came out last year or something in the U.K.. It’s new here buddy, and as you can tell by the delays in this blog, time is not something I have a lot of these days so scouring the British music scene isn’t at the top of my list) and the couple of tracks I heard sounded pretty solid so I picked it up.
At first, I wasn’t impressed.  It’s basically what you’ve come to expect from indie music (is that term really applicable these days?  Does it exist?) which is a low fi, garage rock sound.  Heard it.  Been there, done that. Right?  Well, I continued to listen to it and the more and more I did, the more and more I liked it.  Actually that’s an understatement.  I rocked the hell out of this album.  There are a couple of duds in the middle but even those have grown on me (they’ve got this stupid song called Chicken Dippers.  I don’t know if I don’t like the song or if I just hate the title.  Horrible).  But the album starts really strong with an opener that is a great bar sing along type of song, followed by 2 more really good tracks that will get even the guy that doesn’t drink to pick up an air guitar.  The last 3 songs do a great job of closing the album (this is something we might be losing with the invent of itunes and demise of the record.  The closing track of an album.  Love that shit).  Also, with the new music I’ve been buying I’ve done it all on LP. This album sounds much different on LP versus MP3.  Don’t just listen to it on your iPod, throw it on the turn table and crank it to 11.  The drums and bass sound like they might be in the next room.
So this sound I described earliar of low fi, garage rock got popular over here with the Strokes 12 years ago or so and over in the U.K. got popular with the Libertines.  Because it’s such a simple sound it’s very easy to sound like one of those 2 bands depending on your accent and get kind of boring after a while.  Hence why nobody listens to the Strokes anymore (including the Strokes themselves) and why the Libertines broke up (it’s worth noting that a signifgant amount of crack may have played a role in the latter).  But the Palma Violets have found a way to make the album sound different from what we’ve (I) come to expect and I think it’s mainly due to the vocals.  I think they somehow make it so it balances the right amount of sloppy, chaotic, trainwreck sound that makes rock fun but gives it something more solid or pretty.  Does that make sense?
Okay lets try this.  One of the reviews said this: “Violets play proudly sloppy rock‘n’roll that unapologetically draws from the most obvious sources imaginable for a young band from London: the Clash, the Velvets, the Doors, a little Springsteen, Oasis’ Definitely Maybe, Clinic’s Internal Wrangler, the first couple of Libertines singles.”  This came from Pitchfork, which tends to be one of my main sources for new music and the bane of my existence at the same time.  This is wrong.  Wrong, wrong, wrong. Fucking wrong.  Where the hell does this album sound like anything from Definitely Maybe? I love Oasis as much as the next guy.  Actually, no that’s wrong.  I probably love Oasis more that any guy in a 20 block radius of my home and love bands that sound like Oasis.  Palma Violets sound nothing like Oasis.  We’re they influenced.  Of course they were.  They’re fucking British!  Any person from England born in the last 30 years has been influenced by Oasis.  Wonderwall is like the unofficial national anthem over there.  But they don’t sound like Oasis.  And the Doors?  The fucking Doors?  Why because they have an organ player?  So basically if Prince Harry put out an album of church music strictly played on the organ, Pitchfork would give it a 5 and say it sounds like Oasis meets the Doors.  The Palma Violets sound nothing like the Doors.  You know why?  Because the Doors are horrible and the Palma Violets are not.  You don’t just throw comparisons to the Doors around okay?  You only save that for when a band is truly shitty and you want to warn someone.
Okay, lets circle back to what I was trying to point out before before I went off track (see above (sloppy, chaotic, fun, vocals, blah blah).  Here’s an accurate description of the Palma Violets album 180.  Imagine if Iggy Pop and Ian Curtis from Joy Division somehow figured out a way to have a baby together and it was a boy (this would be impressive on many levels).  Lets say this boy then somehow figured out a way to become the lead singer of either Luna or Yo La Tengo.  Then you would have the Palma Violets 180.
See that’s all you had to say Pitchfork.
Check it out.  It’s good shit and I think they’re at Lollapalooza this year so you’ve got no excuse not to see them.  Unless of course you’re like me and not going to Lollapalooza.  Then you have a valid excuse.  

Ass, Gas or Grass Nobody Rides Free

For the last few years I've been listening mainly to country music from the 50's, 60's and 70's, Bad Company and punk bands from the 90's I used to listen to in high school.  This has resulted in me not knowing a damn thing about any music out right now and an unhealthy consumption of PBR.  Both of which end with me sounding like a complete idiot when I'm in a social gathering.
So I made an conscious effort to read some reviews and seek out some new music.  Some are bands I had never heard of and some are new albums by bands I've listened to in the past.  In turn I will churn out some of my own reviews over the next few weeks that will be filled with what you've come to expect from Coetime at the Apollo.  Witty commentary that makes you go " Wow, that was enlightening and entertaining.  I can tell this guy genuinely cares about this crap."  or "I hate this guy.  Thats 5 minutes of my life I'll never get back."  Either way, I'll consider it a win for me.
So tune in over the next few weeks, have few laughs, maybe shed some tears and follow a 34 year old man as he slowly realizes he is no longer in touch with the music of today and blames it all on 20 something hipsters who have a stupid fascination with the 80's fashion trends and crappy 90's R&B.

*the title of this blog obviously has nothing to do with the subject matter.  It's just a phrase that has always cracked me up and I saw it on a bumper sticker recently. As a result have had the song "Ride the Wind" by Poison in my head ever since (4 days now).

Of Course He Did...

*sigh*

I lump Rivers Cuomo and Thom Yorke in the same category of musicians that I used to think were clever in their quirkiness but now irritate me as I get older.  It's the same way people wearing baseball caps so they cover their ears and large headphones (oddly enough people that have hats cover their ears wear big headphones over them.) irritate me.  Actually, no, there's no relationship there.